


Goodbye

by strangled



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Gay, Grief/Mourning, LGBT, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Smoking, Supernatural - Freeform, mixed that one up a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:51:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangled/pseuds/strangled
Summary: When Castiel can no longer put up with all of Dean's irresponsibility, and saving him everytime that he did something wrong with no sort of thank you. He leaves, and Dean can't bear it.





	1. The Final Time

It had been a long day for Cas, and he was pissed. Once again, he had saved Dean Winchester's ass. As he walked toward the bunker, he couldn't help but let his mind wander. He began to think about how many times he had saved the oldest Winchester brother, and how many times said brother had thanked him. How many times he had gotten a thank you or even an I'm sorry. But, the thing is, he hadn't ever gotten either of the two. Every time that he saved him it was brushed off like it was nothing and Dean was heading to bed or telling Cas that he could leave. The more he thought about it, the more Cas got fed up. He had risked so much for this man, he had lost his life for this man, and he couldn't even manage a simple "Thank you".

As soon as they walked into the bunker, Dean was off and on the way to his room.

"Ni-" Dean began to say, but Cas cut him off

"Wait. I want to talk to you, Dean."

"'Bout what, Cas? I'm tired man. It's been a long day."

"How many times have I saved you, Dean? How many times have I almost died for you? How many times have I actually died for you?"

"I dunno Cas, five, maybe six times? Why?"

"What?" Cas could feel the anger bubbling inside of him. "What did you say?"

"I said five or six times. Cas, what's wrong"

"What is wrong is that I have saved you and your irresponsible ass more than only five or six times. And I don't even mind that it has been so many times because I would risk so much for you Dean Winchester. What bugs me, is that after every single time that I make sure you don't die, I don't even get a single fucking thank you. You can't even manage to say two simple words to me. Out of everything, all I want is two words."

By the end, Cas was nearly yelling, and somewhere off in the distance, he heard thunder crackle and saw lightning flash.

"Cas, what?" Dean forced a fake smile "What do you mean? Calm down, it's okay."

"No, it is not okay. I sacrificed absolutely everything for you. Absolutely everything!" He felt his eyes glass over

Stupid human emotions he thought

"I sacrificed it all. My life, my dreams.. my hopes. I.. I just can't anymore Dean! I can't stand it."

No, Cas.. Cas you've got it all wrong. It isn't like that. It was never like that."

"But it is Dean. It is like that and you know it! It hurts you know Dean. It hurts so much. I am suffering because of you. I am suffering because of you. Because of you and your selfishness."

"Cas. I didn't mean to. Cas, no, listen to me. Just.. just hear me out."

"No Dean! I do not want to hear it." He felt a tear roll down his cheek "It is always like this. It will always be like this. That's... that is why I have decided that this, this is best." He raised his voice and allowed the tears to flow. Outside, they could hear the rain and thunder. "Do not call my name. Do not pray to me. And most importantly, do not ask for my help. I do not ever want to hear from you again, Dean Winchester."

"What? Cas, no, please. Don't go. Please."

"No. This. This is it. The last time. Goodbye Dean."

And just like that, Castiel was gone.

Dean couldn't help it. He couldn't help the tears that came. No matter how it seemed, Cas was important to him. He turned to go to his room and noticed Sam standing behind him.

Putting his head down, Dean quickly wiped his eyes and tried to blink away the tears.

"You really fucked up this time, Dean."

"Shut up, Sam." And with that, he turned around and walked to his room and locked the door.

He laid there for a while and thought. He listened to the rain and thunder, and even though Cas was gone, the rain stayed for days.

That night, there in his bed, Dean decided that he would never hunt again


	2. The Move

One Month Later

Dean set the last box onto the ground of the small apartment he had bought with the little money he had. He had decided to move out when Cas left and made the move as soon as possible. He had packed the few things he had other than clothes and left after telling Sam goodbye. Dean looked around the place he had bought and could feel the loneliness sink in. It wasn't a good idea to go off on his own, and Dean knew that, but he also knew that he couldn't stay at the bunker. It would bring to many memories. So he left. Dean sighed, bringing himself back to reality. He shook off his leather jacket and hung it on the loose nail by the door. He then opened the box in front of him, which held all he wanted at the moment. A hammer, nails, and pictures of his family.

He hung few in the living room. Pictures of Bobby, Ellen, and Jo. Then he went into the kitchen and hung two on the wall near the fridge. Finally, three were put into his bedroom. One of his mom, dad, and him was put onto his bedside table. One of Sam and Jess hung on the wall above said table, and the final one was of Castiel. He put it up above his dresser. In the picture, Cas looked at the camera, almost peculiarly. His wings were out and popped against the light background, and his blue eyes gleamed.

Dean stepped back and admired the picture, as it was all he had left of the angel. Of his angel. He heard the phone ring and picked it up, reading the Caller ID. It was Sam. He set the phone back down and shook his head. He didn't speak to anyone much anymore. He could send him a text later, anyways. He didn't put anything else away after that. Instead, he grabbed a beer and threw himself down onto his bed, letting his thoughts run wild. He couldn't bear but to think that he had led to this. He was so selfish, over one stupid thing, that he had led the angel right out of his life. He had brought this upon himself. Not only himself, but he had brought this upon Cas. He had been so foolish and reckless, and he couldn't help but wonder if the angel was as torn up as he was. The more he thought, the more his head began to pound. He turned over and reached to the table beside him and grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen that sat atop it.

He opened it and took two of the small pink pills, and looked at the picture of Cas on the wall.He felt his eyes well up with tears, but unlike last time, he didn't blink them away. There was no one to see them. No one to see him as he let them run freely down his cheeks.

As he cried, he blamed nobody but himself.


	3. The Realization

Two Years Later

Years passed, people changed. Sam sat down on his bed and attempted to call Dean, knowing it was no use. After listening to it ring the phone went to voice mail, just as Sam predicted. He tried twice more before giving up and Sam ended up leaving him a message. He told Dean that he had gone back to Stanford and wanted him to be at his graduation whenever it happened.

But, knowing his current condition, he never ended a message without telling his older brother that he loved him. It sounded sappy, and Sam knew this, but he knew Dean wasn't at his best. He hadn't left his apartment for anything except beer and cigarettes or basic necessities in over a year and a half. He had really torn himself up. Sam hadn't had a proper conversation with his brother since a few days after Cas left. Since then, Dean just shut everyone out. 

Sam laid down on his bed and shut his eyes, thinking about his brother. The only thing he could hope for was that Dean would stay alive. That he wouldn't take his own life.

***

Cas was on Earth for the moment. He needed some fresh air. Some time alone. He was just walking through some small town. There wasn't much else to do. He walked into a gas station and felt the cool air hit him in the doorway. He walked through the aisles, not sure what to do. But just as he was going to leave a familiar face walked in the door causing Cas to immediately become invisible. There, at the front of the small store, was Dean Winchester, in the flesh.

As soon as he walked in he went straight to the back where the drinks were kept. He opened the door and grabbed two packs of beer.

"Okay," Cas thought "He's probably having Sam over." 

Dean approached the counter, put both packages of beer and said

"Three packs of Camel Menthols too."

"What?" Cas thought "Dean doesn't smoke though."

"Okay," The cashier said "you are here at least once every other day. You have obviously lost weight. You need help or at least to take care of yourself. At least go out and do something. Go hunting. Have some fun!"

Dean shook his head

"No, I haven't gone hunting for over two years and I have no plans on going again."

"Why not? Look, I have no clue who did this to you, but when you walked in here two years ago, you could at least crack a smile. Now look at you, all that you do is drink and smoke."

"Nobody did this to me." Dean raised his voice "I brought this upon myself. I fucked up, and I made him leave. Okay? Now can I just pay and fucking leave? I came in here for beer and cigarettes, not a god damn interrogation."

The cashier nodded silently and looked down

"Good." Dean handed him a twenty and a ten "Keep the change." he sneered as he grabbed his stuff and walked out of the store.

Castiel was beyond astonished.


	4. The Talk

Dean walked into the apartment, two packages of beer in his hands. He kicked the door shut behind him, glad to be back in the small apartment he had grown to call home. He was glad to be back in his own little world, tucked away from the larger one known to hurt him. He knew that it was his fault Cas left, but that didn't mean that made it hurt any less. He laid on the couch, the beer sitting next to him on the floor. He opened the one closest to him and grabbed a beer. Taking a sip, he realized how much he hated the bitter taste it had. Next, he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and took one out. He rolled it in his fingers, contemplating life. He lit the cigarette, and stuck it in his mouth, taking a long drag.

He used the cigarettes for the stress and the beer for the pain. He knew that he had fucked up big time, but he was following Castiel's rules.

"Do not call my name. Do not pray to me. And most importantly, do not ask for my help. I do not ever want to hear from you again, Dean Winchester."

It was the one thing he was determined to do. He wouldn't disappoint Cas this time. Not like every other time. Every time he didn't show his gratitude. Every time he didn't appreciate his every move. Too bad that Cas didn't know Dean couldn't keep him off his mind. Even before he left.

****

Sam sat down in the small diner and waited for the waitress. He never had much to do anymore. He was alone most of the time, too. He had lost both his big brother and his best friend on the same day, and since then there really wasn't much to do. He sat back in his chair as a blonde woman walked over, notepad in hand.

"Hello sir, is there anything I can get you to drink?" She asked, smiling brightly.

"Just a water, thanks."

She jotted it down and nodded, walking away. He leaned back in his chair, just a little more, and shut his eyes, letting himself fully relax. He stayed like that for a few minutes before he sat back up and began reading the menu. He soon decided to get the Chef's Salad. The waitress came back soon with his water and took his order. He took a sip of his water as she left and shook his head, thinking of Dean. He knew that his older brother had let his life go down the drain, and it took a long time to figure out why he was so torn up about Castiel leaving. It wasn't because he no longer had an angel watching over him, it was becau- his thoughts were interrupted by someone sitting down at his table. He opened his eyes and saw a face he never thought he would see again.

****

Castiel had left the gas station in a state of confusion after seeing Dean. What had Dean so messed up? Sure, he had been through a lot, but he had always seemed to pull through. What had broken the tough exterior of Dean Winchester? He knew that there was no way it was because he left. Hell, he would be shocked if the eldest Winchester even remembered that he was gone. Why he had even left, or even the suffering that he caused Cas. He couldn't bear much more when he left and didn't talk for weeks. Cas had felt broken when he had left the Winchesters. He was still a little broken inside.

Little did he know that he wasn't the only one broken and suffering.

****

"Cas," Sam said quietly and looked down at the table.

"Hello, Sam." Cas greeted

"How.. how have you been?" Sam asked, stumbling over his words.

"Uh, good. How about you?"

"Okay, it's been rather lonely though"

Cas cocked his head in confusion

"Why would it be lonely? What about your brother?" Cas asked the younger man

"Dean? Oh, he hasn't been... talking much."

"What? Why would he not be talking to you?"

"Cas, he stopped speaking not even days after you left. He moved out only a month after that."  
"Sam, you two were inseparable. What happened?"

Sam looked up at Cas with gloomy eyes

"Dean has changed Cas. And not in a good way."


	5. The Text

"What do you mean for the worse Sam?" Castiel asked "For the worse? Is he... no. He isn't dying... right? Is he?

"No Cas, he is not dying, but that doesn't mean that he is in good condition. Watch this."

Sam pulled out his phone and went to Dean's contact, then showed Cas what he was doing. Cas nodded and Sam pressed the call button then put it on speaker, turning it down. The two boys listened to the continuous ringing.

After a while, the ringing went to Voice Mail. He turned vibrate on his phone and set it onto the table. After a few minutes, it vibrated and Sam showed Cas the message.

"Busy." the message read

"Now watch this." He told Cas and typed in 'Are you okay'

Several more minutes passed before the phone vibrated again

"I don't know."

Sam didn't know how to respond and set the phone down after showing Cas. The two continued talking for quite a while until Sam ended up inviting Cas back to his place to catch up.

****

Dean stared down at the phone and read the words over and over again. Sam had rendered him speechless once again. Something he had done several times. He never expected to hear (or see) those words again. He didn't know what to say, though. He didn't want to lie to Sam, and he knew he wasn't okay.

'I don't know' he replied with and took another sip of his beer.

He thought about what the cashier had said to him earlier.

"Go hunting."

Dean knew that the cashier wasn't speaking of his type of hunting, but it worked for him. Maybe just one more hunt for old times sake. Nothing could go wrong. He sent Sam one more text.

****

Sam was sitting with Cas on his couch when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out to see that Dean had texted him again, and that's when Sam realized that there was something was wrong.

'And Sammy? I love you too'


	6. The End

"Sam."

"What Cas?" Sam replied, pacing back and forth.

"I want to help him."

"No... I mean we should... but you shouldn't have to save him again."

"But I want to." Cas' blues eyes were wide with worry and Sam could see them gloss over.

"Cas, I don't know. That bond is long gone. Your handprint is even fading. Did you know that?

"That's only because we hadn't talked or seen each other. It should reappear. Very soon."

"Wait... You talked to him Cas?"

"No," Cas sighed "I saw him at a gas station buying two things of beer and a few things of cigarettes. The cashier said he comes in every other day." Cas looked up at Sam and allowed a tear to escape his eyes. "I want to help him" He whispered.

"Just, wait a little, okay? He will contact me or even possibly you if seriously needed. And this is his fault, he caused this. He will be okay.

****

Dean had done a bit of research before discovering that there was a vampire case in his own little town. He got up and got dressed before grabbing the duffel bag he had in the closet. He opened it and grabbed out a knife and a machete and headed out, completely unprepared, throwing on his leather jacket on the way.

****

Sam and Cas had both settled back down on the couch and began watching tv, but there was worry in the air, and both could feel it. Sam felt bad about telling Cas no and Cas felt bad for listening to him, there would definitely be an issue if Dean got hurt.

****

He didn't have back up. He had been out of the game for two years. He should have known not to go. But he didn't listen to his own instinct, and now here he was. He had killed one, but he couldn't fight the other. So here he was, in the middle of the forest, pressed against a tree with a machete to his neck. He didn't fight either, and the vamp laughed.

"I know who you are, Dean Winchester, and I want you to die nice and slowly. Have fun in hell, bitch." and with that, the vamp sneered and sliced open his stomach, and walked away. 

Dean doubled over in pain as he tried to cover the wound, but there was no way he could stop the bleeding. He slowly removed one arm and began searching his pockets for his phone. He then remembered that he had left it at home and now, he only had moments left. He mustered up what little strength he had left and began to speak.

"Cas." He sighed "Cas, I gotta, I gotta make this quick. I was a selfish dick to you. I hurt you, but... but I was scared and I was..." Fuck, what was the point in hiding now? "I was in love Cas. I was in love with you... and, and I still am. I love you, Castiel."

****

Cas sat in shock as he listened to the man pray. He gave a cry of despair and Sam looked at him in alarm.

****

Dean let out a bitter laugh, and that turned into a cough, which turned to a choke.

"I'm dying Cas. I'm dying, and it's funny because I always thought that when I died it would be with a shotgun in my hands and Sammy at my back... You know, I don't deserve shit from you Cassie, but can you tell Sam? That I'm dead? He was always a better person than me, so if you can't answer me, answer him. Please. He's a better person than me. I promise."

****

Cas let out a sob as he sat on the youngest Winchester's couch, and disappeared, leaving Sam confused and yelling for him to come back.

****

Cas searched for only seconds until he found him, crumpled on the ground near a tree, and the closer he grew, he could hear his ragged breathing.

"Castiel." he heard Dean whisper, his voice torn, and before Cas knew it he was lifting Dean int his arms.

"Don't you dare leave me, Dean. Not now. Don't make my mistake."

With that, Cas went back to Sam's apartment.

On arrival, Sam gasped and moved out of the way, allowing Cas to set his older brother onto the couch. Dean, not having the strength to move threw up blood onto himself, and began coughing. Then, it went silent, and Dean was no longer breathing.

Cas knew better than to abuse his power. He knew he shouldn't cheat death, but death also shouldn't cheat him. Dean was still so young. Cas walked over and knelt beside him, ignoring the blood and touched two fingers to his temple, healing his wounds and bringing him back.

He backed away and watched as Dean took in a deep breath and sat up suddenly, his eyes flying open. Now that Cas wasn't focused on Dean dying, he looked at his features more closely. His face was gaunt and his frame small. He looked thin and frail, and Cas couldn't help but feel the need to cradle him in his arms and apologize.

"Cas?"He heard the hoarse whisper and he realized he was staring.

He turned and looked Sam.

"Give us a minute?" he asked and Sam nodded, leaving the room.

"Dean,"He whispered "Dean, are you okay?" He walked closer and sat on the ground in front of the couch, facing the other way

"You left, Cas. And it was all my fault, but I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand it and I broke."

"Did you mean it, Dean?"

"Mean what?"

"When you said you loved me."

Dean hesitated

"Of course I did. Of course."

"Dean?"

"Yes, Castiel?"

Castiel stood up and gestured Dean to do the same.

He wrapped Dean in his arms and hugged him tightly before pulling away and staring into his eyes.

"Cas?"

"Dean?"

They both went silent for a minute before Dean leaned in closer, kissing Cas gently.

"Don't leave again."


	7. Epilouge

Castiel was woken up to Dean brushing his jaw line with his nose before kissing it softly. Dean turned to face his husband and smiled. 

"Good morning love," Dean whispered

"Morning." Cas yawned and the two of them enjoyed the moment of silence and just being in each others presence. Then, they heard it. 

The baby monitor began to crackle and they heard gibberish from the one-year-old through it. 

"Your turn, Dean."

Dean sighed and pulled himself out of bed, heading to the nursery.

He picked up the little girl sitting in the crib and rocked her in his arms. He grabbed a bottle kept in the mini-fridge put in the room and headed back to his bed, cradling Elle in his arms. He laid back down next to Cas and gave the baby her bottle. Cas moved in closer to him and rested his head on Dean's shoulder, smiling. 

For once in his life, Dean was content. Dean was happy where he was. He couldn't ask for more. 

Finally, he felt as if he didn't need to be more than he was. He was who he was supposed to be, a husband, a father, and a brother. He was where he was needed most. Home.


End file.
